Las Vegas

Melissa and I flew into Las Vegas, NV for our Southwest Vacation on May 1st. We soon got our 2010 Chevy Malibu rental and cruised on over to the Luxor for a day of gluttony. The last time that I was in Vegas was in 2001 when I didn’t have much money and slept in a parking garage until the stifling heat forced me to cough up my credit card to do it up at a shitty motel.

Chevy Malibu To The Luxor Hotel

I ask for a Dodge Avenger and get a Chevy Malibu. At least we didn’t get stuck with a PT Cruiser.

The Luxor is a pyramid shaped hotel / casino, with an elevator that escalates diagonally. It’s kind’ve cool at first, but slower than most elevators, filled with mirrors a la “Enter The Dragon”. The rooms at the Luxor were average, still with tube TVs and dim & bland. I almost didn’t see the Egyptian blanket patterns.

Melissa stands next to our hotel window facing Excalibur.

Melissa stands outside in front of the Luxor with her new eyeglasses that she’s barely used to.

Tacos, Tequila, and Conan

Taco & Tequilas in the Luxor is a cool place, and surprisingly served the best Mexican food on this trip. After roaming around Mandalay Bay, which connects to the Luxor, we took a lonnnnnng walk to the Palms Casino Resort on the other side of town.

New York, NY was one of the places we passed, where the sidewalk traffic was really congested and filled with dual Michael Jackson impersonators dancing and hoping to get a couple bucks out of you.

Along the way, the many hired dudes trying to hand out business cards with escorts on them were hilarious, dishing out the glossy baseball card-esque sex connections by tapping them together and trying to slap them into anyone’s willing hand. Collect them all! Danielle, Monique, Jezebelle, Daisy!

At the Palms Pearl Theatre, we were psyched to see the main attraction of the night: Conan O’Brien and his “Legally Prohibited From Being Funny On Television Tour”. We really didn’t know what to expect, and we were allowed to bring in our cameras as well. Unfortunately, Melissa could not bring in her $3000 professional Canon camera, and we had to leave it with some girl that was just as confused as we were about it. (Luckily, Melissa got the camera back intact, although it was moved and placed on some random unsupervised table!)

The opening act was Reggie Watts, a standup comedian whose delivery is beset by multiple personalities. I thought he was absolutely brilliant. His human beat box loops + lyrics had me dying. The “Fuck Shit Stack” song, which pokes fun at a lot of rap video stereotypes, is a crass delight. Check out his video for it here:

A billboard for Conan’s show stared us down on the long walk to the Palms.

Conan’s show was a mix of video segments, showcasing him as a fat ass bearded depressed guy that suddenly got a call to do a national tour and having to suddenly shed pounds to get back in shape. I’m sure this video will surface soon and be played on his new TBS program.

Andy Richter joined Conan, as well as one of his writers, his full band, dancers, the Masturbating Bear and more, even a huge inflatable bat that was leftover from a Meatloaf tour. You never knew what would happen next in the production. He even licked La Bamba’s sweaty face with one long disgusting stroke.

The only negative of the show was Conan’s singing. He seems to love it and it’s just not one of his strong suits. After the show, Melissa and I took a taxi and roamed around Mandalay Bay in pursuit of beers and ended up at the Burger Bar in search of Phillies highlights and a buzz.

Coming Up Next Up… Zion National Park, Utah